We would spend the day together, and we talked about our lives and other things. My mother was never mentioned, though I saw the pain in his eyes, once I gave him my address and that of the company I work, and my lawyer's phone in case he, (not her), ever needed to contact me.Beyond that I did not want my mother to be named in my presence, through her memory was my own living hell; I could not rip her from my mind, her memory was an obsession that never left me, and that made me reject other women, I could not have a normal romantic relationship, none of them was my mother, so my contact with them was reduced to the minimum and I looked for sex merely for my sanity (think Oedipus complex.)I wish I had had the balls to tell her that I was in love with her. But I was young and couldn't. She was the reason I couldn't be with any other woman. Being with another woman after just existing in Mom's world would be akin to living in an efficiency apartment after having lived in a Hollywood. "Daddy? What was that for?" It means that I release you from your promise, Cindi. I will be there for you anytime you need me."Suddenly I had 90 lbs of squirming, deliriously happy, incredibly soft and smooth Cindi-flesh in my arms, kissing me everywhere and gushing enthusiastically."Oh, thank you, Daddy, thank you, you are so sweet and I love you so much and I promise I'll act normal and never tell anyone and I'll make you feel so good and you make me feel so good and I promise I'll get better..."I did the only thing I could think of to shut her up and keep her from hyperventilating - I kissed her. Her hand started to head south on my body. She looked at me quizzically when I stopped her. I rolled her over on her back."It's your turn, Cindi. Tonight is just for you," I said, as I kissed her again and stroked her hair."Oh, goody! Poor me!"That night I showed Cindi what it really was like to make love. I took it nice and slow and gentle with her, no matter how much she begged me to.
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